Shall I compare thee to a car alarm? Thou art more vexing, and less temperate...

Here is the Overwrought Under-updated Baby Metaphor Clearinghouse, where we once catalogued all of the metaphors, similes, metonymy and synecdoche used in trying to convey the full effect of a baby Adam [and Alek? Investigate. -- ed].

On pages throughout the site, Adam is likened to….

a peanut
a heifer, indirectly
an eskimo
a medieval casualty
a geometric shape
a baby fox caught in a leg-hold trap
a marketable commodity
a buckwheat pillow
a reasonable, pleasant baby
an impediment to skiing, indirectly
a young rabbit
an average American and Jesus Christ, in the same paragraph
an egocentric Greek fop
an Argentine cartoon character with a speech impediment
Dutch Nazi collaborators
an avatar of bizarre subconscious activity
a reality show conceit
a dictator
a linebacker
Whitney Houston
water-borne goods
a critic of Italian mass-transit
a sun worshipper
Jennifer Lopez
a Triassic flying thunder-lizard
a demolition worker
any of an order of mammals comprising kangaroos, wombats, bandicoots, opossums, etc.
a warning of aerial attack
that Damien kid in “The Omen”, not surprisingly
an anthropoid ape of western equatorial Africa
a robotic beetle
an auto-cannibalistic shark
an atomic weapon
an out-of-wedlock-born child
the Punisher
an anthozoan polyp
the Tasmanian Devil
a monster (not actually a metaphor at all, but stated directly)
a Native American baby
Ewan MacGregor
a challenging and labor-intensive nautical maneuver
My Little Pony
The Alien
Sean “P. Diddy” “Puff Daddy” “Puffy” Combs
a year-old appliance
the Wright brothers
Frankenstein’s monster, a robot, and a drunken hobo, all in one sentence
a “gasping lamprey”
a Mexican luchador libre
a cameraphagic Visigoth
a “bottomless Karstic sinkhole”
a literary chap
Pavlov’s dog, predictably
a monkey, equally predictably
a nation involved in an arms race
again with the Frankenstein’s monster
a bucket of ice water on the crotch of a great lover
a tulipophage
a howler-monkey, to be quite specific about it
the Cookie Monster, not that Adam’s ever seen it
a feral animal drinking from the toilet
Batman being lowered into a vat of sulfuric acid
a methed-up pytho
the guy from the Spin Doctors
a Young Republican
Jackson Pollack, in a hackneyed cliché
a stuntbaby, many times over
an Egyptian slave
The Slurm^® factory

N.B. Keeping this catalogue of comparisons up to date is more work than I initially realized it would be, and as of the most recent updating (partial May 2006) I believe it is mostly comprehensive, but not entirely. If you find any missing metaphors, please let me know in comments or via email.